Beyond the Embarassing Style

I met him at the bar one night. I hate dancing, especially to top 40, unless there's enough room for me bust out crazy dance moves that involve me swinging my hair and my friends getting embarrassed, ANYWAY, I was dancing to top 40, with some really tall guy. Part in the USA came on and he said he secretly loves the song. I had to stop dancing and go for a smoke. He followed. He was good looking, I guess if you like the American Eagle blonde dude. He was really tall, and I like that, at least. So we smoked and talked and it was really cold outside and I lost my friends because they were too busy dancing to top 40, not like idiots. But they found me, because they knew I'd be smoking outside, and told me it was time to go home. Tall boy asked me for my number and I gave it to him because he seemed nice enough. Then he asked me to go home with him to cuddle. Yes, he actually asked me to go cuddle. I have a strict home turf policy, so I said no.

You Look Like I Need a Drink

Some people say that it is important to not limit yourself when it comes to people you date. For example, his teeth might be a little crooked, he always wears campus crew hoodies, and Garth Brooks is his idol... but he's REALLY fucking NICE, and you two have LOTS to talk about, so you should just give him a chance. The chemistry will grow.
WRONG.
Ok, maybe it's right for some people, but it's not right for me. I know what kind of guys I'm attracted to. It's almost as if I have a mental list of things that need to be there, such as:
"alternative" style, a love for rock and roll, a fondness for alcohol, straight teeth, at least 5'11, an excellent comprehension of the conventions of the English language, and he has to be funny as hell. Some things get added and subtracted from this basic list, for example, right now it's necessary that the next guy I date has some kind of body modifications. Tattoos on the arms and stretched ear lobes add 20 points to his score.
I guess you could say I'm shallow, but am I? It's not like I'm looking for an Abercrombie model or anything. It's kind of fun this way, like a scavenger hunt. And it's not as if I'll turn down the perfect guy if he doesn't conform to my ideals. You can never be certain about your perfect guy until you find him.
What I am certain about though, is that when I meet someone, I know INSTANTLY if there's going to be chemistry. And if there's no chemistry right off the bat, then we've got nothing. I'm off to find that guy in the tight pants wearing a leather jacket, blasting the Descendants on his iPod.

Where Does the Good Go?

I really am hopeless. It's 10 pm and he hasn't called. If he does call I know what it will mean. For some reason I put myself in this situation with him over and over. It's really unhealthy. I think I'm in love with him but I think I'm just obsessed. What's wrong with me? I am so fucked up.

I Was On A Mountain

It's been almost a year since my last trip out west. The first time I went to Banff I was there for just a week. Last Christmas break I spent a week in Banff and a week in Canmore. I wish perhaps that circumstances were different on the last trip. My two trips out west were, at least in part, provoked by my then-boyfriends move out west.

The first time he went we were madly in love and I totally understood his need to go: he had been planning on going before we had met and he had to let his free spirit run wild. I could get with that. In fact, his free spirited nature was one of the things I liked about him to begin with. Anyway, we decided that we'd still make an effort to be together (although my efforts far exceeded his) and that I'd make my way down there for reading week. I had so much fun and I was so sad to go after just a week.

Less than a year later, he decides he wants to go away again. This time for longer. He still wants to stay together. He needs to figure his life out. That's what he said last time. Well, he never figured anything out. Stupidly, I went to visit him again, and spent about a thousand bucks on a trip where we fought a lot because it was minus 25 outside every day and I didn't feel like wandering around getting frostbite,  I didn't really feel like having sex with him because he got so clingy when I first showed up, and we spent a week in a hostel sharing a room with two other dudes, and hence the inevitable awkward times.

Electronic Renaissance

 Finally someone who gets it.

What Would Penis Do
How To Break Up
My Darling
I'm Not Going to Think About Her

Hurt Like Mine

When I'm feeling alone, which is usually at night when I realize how empty my bed feels, this is how I feel. I am the box head. My eyes can see everything that's around me but emotionally, I feel like my head is in a box. I can't get out of my head  - my head becomes the box. Nothing makes sense but a recurring chain of irrational thinking. It doesn't stop because my head is in a box.

All I'm Losing is Me

I have this theory about relationships. I think most people have the same kinds of relationships. I might be wrong, and this might be symptomatic of my need to categorize  and over think nearly everything, but when you’re in a group of friends talking about various significant others, invariably someone will say “yeah, that’s just like when I was with so and so.” I think the most common one is the one that hurts most. And it hurts most not because he was a jerk (although he probably was) or because it was long and drawn out. It’s the worst because you make it the worst… because all along you thought it was the best. It’s the relationship where you fall hard, often for the first time. You can’t let go. When shit gets tough you convince yourself that nothing can stop the magical force that is the love between him and you. People lose themselves in this territory. People neglect their own individual self concept and see themselves only in relation to their relationship. And when people do this, they forget about the things that make them super awesome individuals. In the end, this makes the relationship harder because the other might start to dislike you and you start to resent the other for making you this way.